my life

2010-05-12T06:29:00.000-07:00

the pain of love...
why does it hurt so much?

it hurts when your love ain't reciprocated. like when you have a crush on someone but you just can't say it.
it hurts when you watch your loved ones suffer. you'd wanna get back at that person or thing that's caused it, but it isn't always possible. and sometimes, the damage is irreversible.

why love, then?
just islolate yourself from the rest of the world. build a fortress around yourself, so that you can't hurt anyone, and more importantly, don't let anybody hurt you due to love or the lack of it.

right now, i just wanna hide in a corner and cry. i've only realised today that i don't have the courage to face reality. i simply can't face that feeling.

2010-03-11T04:50:00.000-08:00

i havent got a clue where this blog's heading, but i'll just update for now.
HAHAH.

school this year hasnt been anywhere near great. not that i expected it to be anyway. i started off real slack and even then the stress took its toll on me. fell sick like 3 weeks(?) ago and now i'm more or less okay save the fact that the skin on my palms has been peeling non-stop for the past week.

anyway, i was honestly quite motivated by the "chinese school" video. for those of you who've watched it, you know what it is. obviously i'm NOT gonna love my eraser more or look forward to the propaganda fed into my mind, but i'm gonna work hard. i'll TRY, that is. i can't and i shan't aim to be the top student, i dont intend to sleep at 12.30am every night or camp in the classroom until i'm chased out, but at least i hope to get my As and fare decent enough to be able to choose a nice course. don't think i'd go overseas. especially after my recent sickness i realise i'd probably die if i'm ill and alone somewhere.
& so i shall start mugging. how long it'll last is another matter though. but i should still get started. i dont wanna look back and regret.

2009-12-26T01:07:00.001-08:00

im really starting to dread each day. and it still is difficult getting on with my homework. im so dead, seriously...
anw i just finished watching IRIS. the ending was unexpectedly anti-climax. the main character died at the last scene, and they didnt even bother to explain what happened. it sure left me utterly disappointed... AHH what's with shows nowadays?

2009-12-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

I was looking for quotes for my GP research project, and i chanced upon these quotes:

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is. Albert Camus
Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays. Soren Kierkegaard

2009-12-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

day out with the girls=))

my feet are aching like mad after walking for a good 8 hrs at least... but it was fun=D 313@somerset was really packed. to the point that although cotton on and forever 21 had so much nice clothes and sales, we didn't even feel like buying anything cos the queues were so long.

We had dinner at the handburger.. the food was okay though served cold and kinda salty. and the service was pretty bad. definitely not worth the 10% service charge. but at least we tried something different.

the christmas tree at takashimaya

and yepp. with our shopping bags=D

this one's with the reindeer along orchard road... the proportions looked kinda weird, but ohwell, it's just a fake for the sake of festivities.

and i hope ang wan lin rita's bubbling with envy now. she always deserts us. same for last year's sleepover. BLEH.

2009-12-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

do you know what it's like to be lied to and stood up by the person you regard as your best friend? although i doubt those occasions were on purpose, it doesnt feel good at all.
i can only come up with the following reasons:
1. She no longer treats me as her best friend, i.e. she doesnt take much notice of how i feel anym
2. She doesnt trust me enough to tell me everything. Cos i'm just one out of the crowd of friends she has, perhaps even from the beginning. 亏我还这么在乎她。
3. It's my fault.

HURT. worse, it's not the first time. not the same person, but a similar case. it seems the wound that never really healed properly is gonna open up again. looks like it's probably my fault.

& no comments on this post, please. i just need to let it out. treat it as one of my emo posts.

2009-12-05T00:07:00.001-08:00

hahah it seems im doing requests on my blog now.. ohwell.=D

LANGKAWI
set off on 22/11, sunday
i got the window seat on the plane. & i refused to give it up to my bro=P anw the flight was pretty short, about an hour i guess. then we walked to the hotel. first time we didnt need to get directions 'cause the hotel was just beside the airport. when we entered, we couldn't even find the lobby. and it looked pretty rundown. first impression was horrible cos the staff at the counter were total slowpokes in their work and the files and documents looked pretty tattered, plus the lobby was NOT air-conditioned... then after a long wait cos we had booked 6 rooms, we went up to our rooms, just that we couldnt find em. hahah. the hotel was too BIG. i had to run all the way to the other end to look for my grandparents' room cos i couldnt possibly make them walk in the wrong direction. so i finally found the room, and it was way COOL. 2 queen-sized beds with a lot more floor space=D my sis and i (okay maybe more of me) had so much fun rolling and jumping on our own beds. and there were like 4 mirrors in total in each room!! one near the door, one at the other end of the room for the dressing table, 2 in the toilet - 1 for the vanity top and 1 HUGE one next to the bathtub. needless to say, i made good use of all four=))
i regret not taking pictures of the hotel rooms... after dinner we went to this minimart where i decided to buy a bottle of alcohol to taste. i told my uncle that he'll drink it and i'll only take a sip. and oh it tasted horrible. like medicine. EEWW.

23/11, monday
we had breakfast at the hotel's cafe, where iced milo cost more than milkshakes. like ?!?! then we went on a boat ride to view bat caves, eagle bay and a fish farm. the bat caves were scary and my 5-yr-old cousin cried like mad. im so thankful i didnt see any bats. LOL. we didnt really get to see the eagles up close cos for some reason, our boat captain didnt feed the eagles like what the other boats' were. and the fish farm was pretty cool too. then we went to this bird park, which curiously had many other non-bird animals residing there. there was a shop there where my mum bought my sis and i (and herself) crystal rings=D the we went to this thai restaurant to eat. the food there rocks!! we all loved the american fried rice. kinda ironic, huh? after lunch, which was like 3 plus, we stopped by a local produce shop and a fruit farm before going to the cable cars. It was fun=) i think the last time i sat a cable car was in genting at least 8 yrs ago.. we got to the top, which was 710m above sea level. my bros were scared stiff. and none of us brought jackets. after taking some pictures, we went down. and my brothers were jumping around in the cable car, to the horror of my mum. hahah. somehow they feel safe hanging in the air compared to on steady planks of wood. but i felt the same too. and i was singing 'love story' on the way down to entertain my mum. dinner was at this restaurant by the beach. my sis and i went to take pictures. ahh those pictures. majority of mine were super unglam. maybe it's cos i was wearing specs? anw dinner wasnt very tasty; maybe the thai food was too nice and consumed too late in the day. even the lobster and tiger prawns werent very satisfying...

24/11, tuesday
my favourite day. my cousins and i went go-karting with my uncles and aunt. it was my first time, so im not ashamed to say that i was the slowest=/ apart from my cousin and brother who've been go-karting quite a few times before, my sis, uncles and aunty all have driving experience. tha fact that i skidded on a sharp bend didnt help my speed at all. but the adrenaline rush was great XD meanwhile, my parents, grandparents and my other 2 aunties went to the black sand beach. there were 15 of us on this trip.. hahah. then we went to the same thai restaurant again to eat=) after which we went shopping. like, finally!! but the shopping centre wsa kinda small... then most of them went to watch 2012 cos its a whole lot cheaper there in m'sia. so my aunt, my little cousin, my grandma and i continued shopping. i didnt feel like watching a movie. to my dismay, my aunt was only concerned about her shopping and my grandma was like just standing outside the shop for super long waiting for her. i felt really bad for my grandma so i asked her to come along to help me look for a pair of sandals. mine had soles that were fully worn-out. i so wished my mum was around to talk to my grandma. im sure she must have been bored. and i didnt know what to talk about at all... after like 2 hrs, we walked to a western restaurant quite far away. and the movie took more than 2 hrs, we had to wait for them for abt an hr at the restaurant. i didnt mind waiting cos i was reading a mag. but the fact that my grandma had to wait around with nothing to do made me quite upset. but it made me realise i need to spend more time with her. and my granddad too. back to dinner, the steak i ordered was awfully tough. with my newly put-on braces, i was having quite a hard time. hahah. but overall i was quite happy cos of the shopping=)

25/11, wednesday
my sis and i woke up real late. we were too tired from the day before. anw for this last day, we had a whole morning of activities planned out since our flight home was in the afternoon. we took a boat ride to a whole lot more places. we went to this island and played at the beach for quite a while. all the beaches at langkawi have nice clear waters. unlike sg where all the waters are so murky.. then at the jetty point we fed fishes with prawn crackers... there were swarms of them. it was fun watching them fight for the food. my mum was scolding us saying that we were poisoning the fish. hahah. the boat went to many places and there was this paticular island that looked like a pregnant woman. cool, huh? and this time round the boat captain fed the eagles. it was a different eagle bay with at least 15 eagles. the captain fed them chicken skins and it really was quite a sight seeing them swoop down one by one to grab the skins. after the boat ride we returned to the hotel to check out, then we had lunch at kenny rogers at the airport. the service was HORRIBLE. the waitress who took orders for my table actually didnt take them at all. she looked like she was scribbling down our orders, but in actual fact she wasnt. when all my relatives had finished thir food and most pple had left the restaurant (including those who came after us), my mum went to question the waitress and all she did was push the blame to another guy. i was so irritated. and my sister's order for chessy chicken came without any chicken in it. but whatever. quite unfortunate though, that the holiday had to end on such an unhappy note.

on the whole, it was quite an eye-opener cos i didnt get to do many things before going to langkawi. take the go-karting, for instance=) my mum was talking about going back again, but i told her i'd rather spend money going to someplace else that i've never been to. like taiwan or japan!! which im definitely going to do after As. 間違いなく

2009-12-03T01:26:00.000-08:00

well. ang wan lin rita says that my latest two posts are far too short to be considered updates, so this post is gonna be about her to please her:D

i remember the first time i saw her was in sec 1, 1B. to be honest, i didnt exactly like her at first. we hardly talked much until we both got into the same cca - girl guides. it kinda forced me to talk to her cos we were the only ones from 1B in guides. from then on, we suffered together under the torture of our seniors. i, for one, didnt really like going for cca. i only went cos i had to. wish i'd been bolder like charlotte to pon so often. i never dared to. but i think rita enjoyed it though..

and then sec 2 came, and we were fast friends by then. of course, not without the quarrels. hahah. i remember us quarrelling over the answer to a particular math question. silly, huh? rita the math pro insisted that she was right, but i honestly believed otherwise. and it turned out i was right XD

then there was the time when i got really pissed off at her. i wonder if she knew it then. it was when we got back our end-of-year results for language arts. a lot of us failed the comprehension section, so we were pretty upset about it. me, rita and yingting were sorta tearing. thinking back it actually wasnt that bad... anw yingting and i went to the toilet to cry. it was more for her actually cos yt was feeling real bad. then we were complaining about how insensitive rita was cos she didnt do that badly but she was complaining about it, whereas yt did badly for every subject and was hoping that her langarts would pull her through, but it didnt. i'd never forget how hard yt cried. she locked herself in a cubicle and literally started to wail very loudly. it was as if it was the end of the world for her or something.

but it seems all those rows we had only made our friendship stronger. when i entered 3J, i barely managed to hang in there with her help. it was tough not having anyone close with me. i remember that time when rita took on the role of being my personal psychologist for one night. it really helped to lift the heavy mood i was experiencing at that point of time. for the past 3 years or so, she's been my private tutor (for free!!=D) especially for math.

so,
i love you rita!! to bits=P
for everything you've done for me up to now.

hope this post is satisfactory at the very least, dear=)

and by the way, i miss your sushi. and where's the sashimi you promised??

success

2009-12-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

Success is speaking words of praise,
In cheering other people's ways,
In doing just the best you can,
With every task and every plan,

It's silence when your speech would hurt,
Politeness when your neighbour's curt,
It's deafness when the scandal flows,
And sympathy with other's woes,

It's loyalty when duty calls,
It's courage when disaster falls,
It's patience when the hours are long,
It's found in laughter and in song,

It's in the silent time of prayer,
In happiness and in despair,
In all of life and nothing less,
We find the thing we call success.

2009-11-30T08:48:00.000-08:00

here goes. but im still pondering over whether i should delete this blog or not.. hmm..

anw, reflecting on this whole year, it wasnt that bad after all. at least i survived. i remember crying myself to sleep quite a few times earlier this yr. *shh dont tell anyone* LOL.
there was good and bad. like for the 1st half a yr i was seriously a lone ranger. it was tough, really. i still wonder how i got through that. and there were many problems too. like a CERTAIN teacher who kept making things difficult, even until the very last day. like just when i thought i could barely live with her. so much for a happy ending huh?

my hols have been spent watching dramas non-stop. LITERALLY. can't stand my lack of discipline. and my com's gonna die soon.. hahah. serves me right. well i guess i do have alot to say, it's just that either i dont feel like sharing it, or i just can't be bothered to write it here cos i'd concluded that this blog's too deserted... so all i can say is, dont expect too much. hahah.

happy holidays=)

2009-08-22T23:37:00.000-07:00

i recently started listening to Crush by David Archuleta. Somehow i can so identify with the lyrics of that song...it's been so long now. "I've tried and tried to walk away, but i know this crush ain't going away."

haish. & homework's getting on my nerves!!

2009-07-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

my jaw hurts.. went to extract out my 2nd wisdom tooth ytd. maybe i'll be even more dumb from now on.. ahhahah. for the first tooth i observed the surgeon as he injected my gum wif the anaesthatic, cut my gum with the scapel and scissors drilled and yanked out my tooth, and finally sewed back my gum. this time, i closed my eyes awhile aft the drilling started cos it was abit painful. the 1st time i didnt feel anyth lehh. so the surgeon gave me the jab again. by the time i reopened my eyes, he was cutting the thread alr.. the whole right side of my face up to my ear and below my eye was totally numb lahh.. more anaesthetic but more painful still. i wonder why LOL.

i've got quite alot of hw dis wkend but i really dun feel like doing it lehh. i knw SPA and promos r coming and im alr being bogged down my anxiety but...

2009-07-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

i've been feeling emo on and off lately... something's up with me, seriously. i wonder what's the cause.

2009-07-12T04:56:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get more and more irritated with myself. I keep thinking about my flaws and i keep getting upset over them. & i soooo want to lose some weight. Lately everytime i feel a little past full i'd get so angry with myself. seriously, what's going on?
i knw i'm not as skinny as b4. i've put on weight like nothing since the start of secondary school... So when pple comment that i'm skinny, i get rly skeptical and wonder if they're still seeing the illusion of the me that once was... Cos right now, all i see is weight that needs to be shed.
tell me i'm crazy. wadeva. sth's wrong with me i guess.

17

2009-06-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

i'm starting to wish that i'm younger... hahah i know most pple feel tt only aft they've seen the world and start seeing signs of ageing, but i wanna stay a kid forever=P mugging for tests and worrying about results ain't anyth interesting to look forward to, don't ya think?

i seem to be getting emo very easily and so much more often than before. uurgh. haven't felt truly happy in quite a long while already...

5A class outing

2009-05-27T05:36:00.000-07:00

not really, but quite a no. of pple went. It was pretty fun... gd thing yuling didnt hog the microphone LOL. sorethroat's coming alr...

altho its not rrly a class outing, at least i finally got to go out wif my class. shall go tag every1 on facebook=)

waiting...

2009-05-23T23:49:00.000-07:00

for nadia to get my blogskin done. hahah.

and the stress i experience is never-ending. uurghh.

i'm starting to freak out over GP now. worrying that i wont do the test well.

haish..

1 more week, and i'll be temporarily freed from such anxiety. just 2 more days actually, and i'd feel a whole lot better. Of all subjects, why is GP the worst? Fine everything else is just as bad.

starting to emo ALOT lately. something's bothering me. actually, alot of things are. my results, my weight, evryth lahh. mayb one day i'll shut myself out from the world totally like those pple in Japan... LOL.

down and under

2009-04-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

well that's exactly how i'm feeling right now. finding it terribly difficult to sit down and study. this is totally getting on my nerves.

tired.

2009-03-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

really really sick and tired.

honestly, i dunno how much longer i can hold out.

it's just so so different now. or is it just me? uurgh.

there's hardly a time, none in fact, when for that moment, just that split second, when i can stop worrying about my grades.

Is this what life's meant to be about?

The constant stresses that keep me balancing on the edge at all times?

it's probably just a matter it time before i fall over. and who knows how long it'll take to pick up the pieces if that happens.

i keep warning myself that i cannot take the risk of slacking, but i'm not working hard enough. not by my own standards, neither by that of others.

ALL i want is a taste of enjoyment in life.

Too much to ask for, it seems.

i wonder why life's like that. the ups and downs are driving me mad. i'd puke sooner or later from this motion-sickness.

if only... time could've come to a stand still last year.

if only... things went back to what they were before.

if only... i could have someone to cry on right now...

Study break #1

2009-03-14T00:22:00.000-07:00

Lot's of hw, but no mood to do. But no shows to watch either. Aft 霹雳MIT other shows don't attract my attention as much and the reason's quite obvious=P

trying to get my holiday(i dont care i still wanna call it a holiday!) plans sorted out. dont get me wrong, im not planning when to do my homework. im planning where to shop and when to go out=D retail therapy, as olh puts it. ahhahah.

ytd's GP lesson was interesting. we pulled out chairs and ms yim conducted lessons at the back of the hall. Reason: it was raining so we couldnt get to block P. cant wait for the new premise to b ready. looking forward to the convenience rather than the layout, cos i dun expect much of the latter.

i think im gonna bake some stuff this break, just that i cant decide what to bake yet.

results.

2009-03-05T04:55:00.000-08:00

i must say it's been disappointing. not all, mainly maths. cos i lost one fifth of my marks to careless mistakes. can you believe it?!! so i could have gotten 80%, but i got 60%. im finding it terribly hard to forgive myself... vented it out into a poem which i left in e sch com lol...
anw i must say i'm pretty elated abt my chem results. never expectd to get an A. to think it's my only A when i thought i'd get a U grade for it... and econs was really surprising too. I nv expectd to fail despite not finishing e paper, but when i realised tt so many pple were failing, i thought it'd b a gone case. and tks said he saw a relation bet those who only studied the day b4 and their results. i didnt even dare to raise my hand that time lahh!! but rvgg own... hahah. me, veron, isabel and phyllis all topped our classes for econs. though it's all B grades, at least we passed!!=D and i passed bio too so going to sch td wasn't a bad choice after all... i cheered up abit, not tt i've forgiven myself for my math blunders yet...

and i was late for sch today!! buses are hardly reliable. actually, nothing is. urgh. just rly upset tt e bus driver refused to move...

wonder if we'll get back GP paper tmr. wonder how i'd fare for it. but i've left everyth in the hands of God, and i've done my best, so i'll just chill=)

still undecided.

2009-02-27T22:16:00.000-08:00

quite... not sure if i should continue in floorball, though it's like 80% im gonna continue... i guess my main worry is my fitness level lahh.. hahah...

anw at least tests are over and i had fun in today's training. haf lots of homework but im still spending time on e com... its been tough for the past 2 weeks and in not looking forward to my results, so i shud relax rite?=P

and the best part is, im falling sick!! how nice..

can't it ever end?

2009-02-22T03:47:00.000-08:00

i was hoping to see rita online so that i can ask her how to do chem, but sadly enuf, she's probably studying for math test tmr or sth... uurgh.. and i havent gotten down to that yet. over this wkend i keep feeling the stress getting to my head but i can't seem to focus at all.. this is simply infuriating. all the tchers haf such high expectations for my class... and there's the unspoken expectations from my family as well. i know my parents dun pressurise me but i just feel tt i haf to do well. im just not used to this environment.. must be due to the past 2 yrs of junkers. LOL. but we all did well all the same. i think i found myself once again there. which is why i miss me now..

on that note, i just took a quiz on facebook: what does your bday mean. you won't believe the results...
Your birthday means that you love the sun and the beach.
Your best colors are red and yellow. You tend to have many friends and you are well-liked, possible because of your outgoing and sunny personality. You are a very positive and enthusiastic person. Shopping is likely something you enjoy very much, not just for yourself, but for other people as well. You shine at parties and get togethers, and you are definitely an extrovert.

like, LOL!! hahah. sounds weird to me.. mainly the extrovert part i guess.. and why isnt hot pink under my best colours!!! but the shopping part is accurate, i must say=P

i was commenting just now how i wish i could go poly cos it's less stressful and jessie thought i really wantd to go. gave her a huge shock... most pple prob think that smart pple should go jcs, then uni, then get high paying jobs... but some people just can't take that kinda stress that well.. some people like me... throughout the past few years its like the burden's been weighing down on me heavier and heavier... but i'll survive, only wif God's help.

started learning knitting from my mum. it's a great way to destress=D

Yes I Can(not)!

2009-02-20T00:16:00.000-08:00

just 3 more tests and it'll be over for a while. things get tougher day by day. i never expected it to be any easier anyway. more and more, i learn that i can't rely on myself. i really can't.

in the midst of considering if i should join floorball. hahah.

pre-valentine's

2009-02-13T01:42:00.000-08:00

i feel so bad cos everyone was giving presents to everyone today... but i didn't have time to get anyth!!! anw i'll be giving em on monday, so i guess it's better than nothing. and mingshin is the WORST. he gave me a piece of foolscap paper wrapped in dunno how many sheets of newspaper and finally mahjong paper... what a nice present.... blehh... i shall re-consider if i wanna give him a present.. LOL.

and i love nadia cos she's agreed to make a blogskin for me... but i havent decided what kind of blogskin i want... we'll see about that..=D

the countless things i miss

2009-02-10T05:38:00.000-08:00

1. tzehui's noise. from shouting, jumping, banging, whatever. i'm too used to that environment already... oops.. hahah.
2. olivia's non-stop chatter. another thing i've gotton too used to.
3. siewlin's encouragements. it always cheers me up=)
4. Fran & Yanpeng & Zhenxi's singing. you gals rock my world!!!
5. Fengye's pinching. ahhahah.
6. Huiyee's complaints. UURGH! i can't believe i'm missing this, of all things!! (i don't miss the sunblock. doubt i ever will.)
7. Jhosy's kawaii-ness. keep smiling gurl=D
8. Lerae, nicole, judith, lyt's screamings. LOL
9. Nadia's expressions.
10. Neo Hui Yan Eileen's CACKLE!
11. Tan Yantong's nonsense.. she says wenrui looks like a camel lol
12. Tay Yiling's & Clarine Sim's pro-ness and madness.
13. Wong Lixin's accidents. and she passed it to me. thanks man.. =P
14. WOO yueting's gayness. classmates for 4 years le. from the crazy gal to the still insane chairperson, iloveyou!! ahhahah.
15. none of the 6 guys are sane either. esp minzhang. looks sane enuf but in actual fact is 100x lamer than expected. and wenrui with his infectious laughter. mingshin with his weird theories and arguments. zeming and his boggle set that set a whole new trend in 4j. justin and his constant ponning. lianbing with his smile.
16. AND I MISS JOANNE NG! i loved lang arts lessons so so much. i never thought any lesson could get so fun, and she leaves sch.... =(
17. i miss ms khang's lessons also. maybe cos she's too nice. hahah.
18. i miss mr lee's maths lessons with his lame jokes. they were always so random!!
19. and luoyusi's high pitched voice.

there're many many more. can't write them all out. some of them i can't believe im missing them, but i am. After reading the yearbook dedications today, i realised with a pang of sadness how 4J has already been part of my life, the moments we shared already deeply ingrained in my memories. The feeling of loss came so suddenly i don't even know how to deal with it. Sure, i'll be seeing you guys around in sch sometime, but it's just not gonna be the same ever again without the junkers' atmosphere... I love you guys. all of you.

i'm back! (dedicated to 4J'08)

2009-01-22T04:11:00.000-08:00

yeah hahah. i guess im gonna use this as more of a diary than a blog. im never, i repeat, NEVER gonna be able to have time to design a blogskin for myself. Thanks to the piles of work the tchers are making us do. im sick now cos of the past consecutive late nights i'd stayed up to rush out the assignments they demanded us of.
on my own, im not going to be able to survive past this year. but with God's help, i believe i can=) i wonder how hard i'll be pushing myself this year. the syllabus is so scary...

anw, i love my new class as much as i miss my dear junkers. my current class is seriously very enthu lahh.. even though the SC facs had a hard time getting us to talk during orientation. Ironic rite? the class alrdy went out 2 time in 2 days, and tmr's gonna be like a reunion lunch. sadly enuf, i've not gone out once w em n i cant make it tmr either... i feel like i 对不起他们 lehh... haishh...
I really miss 4J. and the teachers too!! they were all so nice and easy to talk to. it's alot different now... I miss all the fun we had in our 4J classroom. the atmosphere was always so welcoming, unlike how we have to wander around the school everyday now. Ahhh, the good old days...

much as i wish to linger
in the wonderful days of the past
time isn't - it never was -
on my side, and now

i've no choice but to move on
it's tough, it's so hard
to walk out of the memories
i've shared with you.

embracing a new environment
it's great but not the same
trying my best to do what i should
it's more than just a game

i'm grateful for my current class, but
never can i forget
as much laughter they've brought to me
the fun we all had shared

so all the best, my dears
we all have to move on
but deep down in my heart
4junkers will live on=)

Last?

2008-12-01T22:55:00.001-08:00

Possibly. I highly doubt I'd be updating anymore after this year... Maybe I'll even delete this blog.. It's dead enough I think...

For an update:
I got a new mp4 ytd! with my own savings... and the BEST thing was it didnt work. I had to go down again td to check what was wrong, and when i got there, all the person did was press the reset button and it worked... =
this weekend I'll be doing shopping in m'sia. can't wait for it... my parents were supposed to give me 500bucks to shop... cos they knew how much i wanted a holiday (I love them!) hahah. BUT thanks to sudden expenses, i'm only gonna get 500RM. but to me it's great enuf=D and we're going up to genting for half a day. all i can hope for is: #1 it doesnt rain (as it did the last time i went there and ALL the rides were closed) #2 my bro doesnt back out last min cos he's scared, cos i wudnt dare to go on the rides myself....=S #3 i dont fall off the rides and die... LOL...
shopping. Shopping. SHOPPING!!! ahhahah... it's just a few days away and it feels like a week.

anw this hol has passed surprisingly fast. i expected it to b slow w/o hw and xtra lessons. it was alot slower, and a lil boring, but the rest of the hols is definitely gonna zoom past. Cos it'll b back-to-back activities for me from this wkend onwards...
I'm gonna haf to rush to youth camp immed aft coming back from m'sia on mon. I still havent decided if i wanna miss the first day of camp yet... Of course I wanna shop, but not when it clashes wif camp, and i dun want my relatives to b forced to go hm earlier either... haish.. anw, aft youth camp we'll prob be training for sports camp. and then it'll b sports camp in a wk. then i'll b busy getting xmas presents done, and there's editorial mtg also. then there's sleepover at charlotte's house. WHEN AM I GONNA EAT SASHIMI, RITA? i know u'll prob be reading this... I've been waiting for, like, 2 years? How can u bear to do this to me? =P

okay, so aft xmas, i'd prob b catching up wif tons of dramas. I'm proud to say i learnt some jap this hol. ahhaha. but i didnt do any revision, so i'm dead. all i did was like read 5 pages of Organic chem? of which barely half was registered in my mind. but i cant switch out of the hol mood as i please. 这，也太难了吧！

i guess the best part of this hol is that i get to sleep at 11+pm and wake up at 11+am. cool, huh? surprisingly my mum didnt call me out of bed like she would on saturdays when i sleep in.. hmm...

dying, dying, dead

2008-11-21T00:38:00.000-08:00

hahah. that's what's gonna happen to my blog. I don't think there's a point in updating cos like hardly anyone reads blogs nowadays... ok except for pple like ang wan lin rita.. so i guess this update is purely for her. thank me bubu!

on a lighter note, finally i can say we're having holidays. No homework, no extra lessons. Just what a holiday is supposed to mean. YAY. that, although i have a burden to hit the books. but i keep pushing that thought away. Guess i'll end up pushing it until the end of this hols.

and, thanks to hui yee, im now turning into a shopaholic. i literally see my money flying away lahh. ohwells. i'll enjoy this hol to the fullest before i'm pulled back into the real world in Jan.

sweet~

2008-10-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

i can relax. like, finally... it's been awfully stressful the past 2 months or so... ahhh... i shan't worry about my results. what's done is done.
went out the whole day today after the last paper... caught a movie, but on the way there, someone actually asked my friends and I if we were from ITE!! huiyee felt super insulted... hahah. so did I. I mean, we've studied so hard (okay, not huiyee), and we're mistaken for some ITE students? do we really look that? not that ITE students are bad or anything... i think some of them are really pro... but it's just... you know... oh wadeva...

i was like so hoping to catch up on my episodes of Hot Shot just now, only to realise that they've been removed due to infringement of copyright laws.... Man, do i really have to spend money to buy the DVDs? I already burnt a hole in my pocket the past 2 days. i bought something ytd, plus movie ticket, 1 blouse, 1 dress, S.H.E.'s latest album, subway lunch and island creamery dinner for today... $90 in total... hahah im so dead.. n we still haf class outing to go karaoke on monday!!! there goes all my hard-earned money... ahhh....

worry

2008-09-19T05:56:00.000-07:00

everything's just going wrong.
tons of work needed to be done, yet they can't be.
i'm worried more than i'm furious
all i want is for things to go smoothly
i can't be bothered by your promises
please, stop acting righteous when you can't keep to the simplest task of turning up when you're expected to. you, of course, are not affected in the very least cos the consequences will be borne by me, not you.
i'm just sick and tired of all these, okay?

the S word

2008-09-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

i guess everyone has to deal with it, huh?
it's become a part of it i can't get rid of.
a mutated, dominant allele that continues expressing itself.

trying real hard. maybe just not hard enough?
there's no limit, it's all up to me.
as they say, the ball is in my court.
am i really able to hit it across?
i highly doubt my ability. ninety-nine percent chance i'll give up before trying.

can't help it. 我就是这么没自信。

should i or should i not?

2008-09-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

why am i constantly caught in such situations?
i just can't decide, which i better
there's always the flipside to the coin
it isn't as easy as i'd like it to be.

is it just greed to go for that?
or is it too much to go for this?
will it be okay to give that up?
would it better to take this up?

anw i guess the big thing to focus on now is the valley ahead. gotta hit the books!!

emptiness

2008-09-01T05:39:00.000-07:00

it just feels weird. like something's missing. i never thought i'd feel this way.

should i take time to relax or should i start some hardcore mugging? torn between whether to watch 篮球火 and 黑糖群侠传 or hit the books... ah, priorities. didn't imagine striking a balance to be that difficult. why do i tend to lean to extremes?

i nid an organiser for my thoughts. i nid time to sort em out. my brain nids some serious spring cleaning, i guess.

ended.

2008-08-27T01:49:00.000-07:00

the very same room of laughter
now cold, unfeeling
each step a chore, my heart sinking
i needa chill
mumbling a quick prayer
a sudden comfort washes over
there was that hint of a smile, i think
all else melts away
nothing matters now

it's ended, but i've yet to reach the finishing line.

and YOU. get a life, won't you...
look, i don't care if you think your results aren't as good as you want them to be. go study hard and stop slacking, then. can't you quit complaining and degrading yourself? if you don't need self-confidence, fine. but just spare a thought for the others around you, who studied so hard compared to your few hours but did so much worse than you. it may not matter that much to me. for me, if im irritated, i'll just ignore you. nothing much. but can't you feel for the others? just stop being so self-centred lahh. and stop your analysis of others as well. it's irritating, overboard and hurtful. plus, it's always wrong. so if you can't say sth nice, just don't say it at all. you'd be doing us all a favour. go find someone better to complain to. i'm sorry, even though i'm ur friend, i can't take it anymore.

the real me

2008-08-21T01:15:00.000-07:00

what's wrong with all of them?
there's nothing wrong with me.
what distorted image? HA HA HA
c'mon.. those specs don't sit on my nose for nothing.

oh please. i know myself way better than anyone else
physical or emotional, it's all a facade
i've been desparately trying to cover my flaws
no one sees, no one knows

halfway there

2008-08-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

i did sth really simple with paint. hahah. and i decided to use my old cbox cos i forgot my account stuff already.. as for music, well, it'll come later=) at least i managed to customize my own background and text fonts=D

i've been thinking alot lately. about lots of stuff. need to chill...

Uncertainty

2008-07-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

I deleted my old blog without a word. I have no idea why. I created this blog without telling anyone. No reason either. I shall wait until i somehow manage to come up with a blogskin on my own before givng others my blog's URL. I guess it's kinda cool to have such a blog that's public yet private... for now =)

(Im)Perfection

2008-07-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone yearns for perfection, although they know it isn't really possible... We strive to get as close to being perfect, but of course, it never happens. No one's perfect. Now, the definition of perfection is more of a matter of perspective than a definitive meaning.
Trying to be perfect just makes a person feel worse. So we should all quit trying and just be ourselves=D